Day 17: Searching for my calling...

I had a nightmare last night. It felt like something was telling me that I did not belong to where I am right now and I have to do something about it. I was searching and searching, yet not able to find that calling. What is that thing that will lead me towards the direction I should go? What was that voice trying to tell me to do? It was a nightmare because it felt empty inside for a while even after I woke up. There was that intense feeling of worrying and fear that what if I die, will I be able to say that I had a full-filled life? doing what I truly love and passionate about?...

The thing is that, most of us live our lives always thinking that there will be a better tomorrow. One day I will do this, one day I will do that, one day I will be happy.. I am scared that those eternal one days will never end and I will wake up 60 years old still waiting for that one day but this time my retirement and I will regret that I have spent my youth by being simply too scared. 

This is not to say you should quit your job and chase after the dreams that don't exist. First, you have to spend enough time to figure out it actually is and start working on it. I am a proponent of rationalism above all. Taking extreme risks might not always end up like in movies. If you haven't figured out your dream yet chances are very high of you ending up wasting your time at home watching youtube videos and doing nothing productive until you run out all your savings. Instead I would recommend a more calculated approach, which is  to work on finding what you live and doing that with whatever time you have until the income from your passion exceeds your 9-5. 

Back to the nightmare... I felt like a search engine. Searching searching searching and not finding. Maybe it was a sign that I am keeping myself too busy with nonsense? Cmon GRE, Reading, GYM, and Blog post a day? What are they going to give me in the long run? Am I in the right track? I mean they are good habits and all. But it feels like they are no where close to the One thing that will give me the 80% of the results that I am looking for to build my future. I have to find that one thing...

Its highly possible that I am still under the effect of that nightmare. If so, just ignore this post and see you tomorrow ;)